It was 12:14 AM on a Sunday night. My wife and I had been asleep for a few hours; the Mother's Day weekend had wiped us out and all we wanted was a good night's sleep before starting the work week. So you can imagine my annoyance when a chorus of whoops, yells, and laughter bolted me from my sleep. The obnoxious noise was coming from outside but echoing between the three 10-story towers that form Alden Park Apartments in such a way that the sound was trapped and magnified until it seemed to fill the entire world. I went to the window and looked out, curious as to what was happening outside. Was it a party in the gazebo? Were there students hanging out in the visitor's parking lot? Was there a riot?

No.

All of the noise was coming from a single apartment on the 8th floor. The windows were open wide and a group of guys were inside, yelling and laughing over some unknown entertainment that sounded like either a video game or sports event. Maybe both combined.

So I stood there and listened to the noise and slowly allowed my rage to build. I was renting an apartment for over $1300 a month in what has been advertised as one of the most luxurious apartment buildings in Philadelphia and I was standing at my window, listening to what sounded like a bunch of gorillas and yapping dogs make enough noise to shake me and my wife out of a well-deserved sleep. Why? Why are people so f%cking inconsiderate, why wasn't anyone else complaining, why hadn't security been called, and why do people like these obnoxiously loud motherf%ckers live in such a refined and beautiful apartment building?

It was one of those moments that, if I owned a gun, I would have happily leaned out the window and opened fire into the offenders apartment. This, my wife tells me, is why I should not own a gun. I am inclined to believe her.

Not having a gun to shoot at the assholes, I called our building security instead. My information was taken and I was assured that something would be done immediately. I hung up and waited, listening to the noise rise and fall as it moved back and forth between the buildings like a really annoying child. After 10 more minutes I called security again and threatened to call the police. Again I was assured that they would handle the problem and, to their tenuous credit, the noise stopped after another 5 minutes or so.

I went to bed and fell asleep fantasizing about killing my neighbors.

That was annoying but my real issue is this: Alden Park is going down the drain. It was once a beautiful, refined community filled with young professionals and caring neighbors but in the last few years its become a hive of Phila-f%cking-delphia Univer-sh!tty students that fill it with noise, garbage, and vandalism. These young f%cks pull fire alarms in the middle of the night when they get tired of yanking their own little dicks. They piss in the elevators, throw garbage on the floor in the hallways, write on walls, blast their stupid f%cking rap and techno music, and make life miserable for the rest of us who don't have our rich parents paying for us to act like immature assholes and snotty bitches. Alden Park is slowly turning into a ghetto. Ask any of the longtime residents there and they will offer you a litany of complaints and bitter resentments. It seems to us that Alden has decided the way to fatten its coffers is to appeal to the same young, immature, irresponsible f%cks that clog the Old City nightlife scene like piles of fashionable sh!t instead of working to keep its property classy, refined, safe, and comfortable for the residents that have lived there for longer than a few semesters.

While I know that I'm not the only voice of dissent regarding this slow degradation of our community, I seem to be one of the few who will speak out about it...another fact that makes me want to vomit until my eyes bleed. Why do so many people simply turn their back, close their windows, and ignore all of the problems in our community instead of complaining about them? As I was on the phone with security, I could hear people slamming their windows in aggravation, as if their impotent display of anger would somehow make the f%ckers in the 8th floor apartment quiet down.

Have we really become a nation of cowards who are too politically correct to complain when someone sh!ts on us or commits a social faux pas? Yelling and screaming after midnight when living in an apartment building is just plain f%cking rude and you deserve to be shot for doing it. Point blank. Not having a Desert Eagle, I resorted to calling security. Later I was thanked for my call but also told that no one else complained until the morning.

WTF?

That sucks. Having a night's sleep ruined liked that pisses me off too. Having crazy loud neighbors can be real torture if it continues over time. Having a bunch of obnoxious frat boy types move into any area sucks. Maybe if the current residents banned together they could get the management to not rent to students? They are running a business and it just depends on where the most profit lies.

I think it would make sense to limit students to one of the towers and not have them spread out all over the entire estate. There are three towers per building and three buildings on the estate so why can't one entire building be exclusively for the f%cking frat kids? Maybe the truth is that Alden doesn't have enough regular tenants anymore and uses the income from the students to stay afloat.